To Me, three years ago

Three years ago today, I went on my first date with the man who is now my husband.

This was what is known in some circles as a 'coffee date': a chance to go out one-on-one and find out more about each other, before asking & agreeing to officially start dating.

On this coffee date (which actually ended up being lunch, a walk by the river and coffee), I was both too shy and too cautious to take a photo together. So the above photo is my only memory from that day.

In those early days of courtship, dates, conversations & so much thinking, I remember the questions that constantly bombarded my mind.

Is this going to work?
Are we a good match?
Do I really like him?
Is he the one?

After that date, we entered a year of long-distance. At the time, as I slowly found that the answers to the above questions were becoming yes, I hated being apart. Although Tokyo and Nagoya are only separated by a 6-hour bus journey, with our schedules and commitments, we would only see each other every other month. But now, as I look back, I'm thankful for that time. It forced us to talk. It forced us to concentrate on simply getting to know each other, and figuring out if we would be a good team in life, without getting too giddy about our newfound relationship. It forced us to devote most of our time and effort to ourselves, spending time with our friends and the people who were investing in us. I think I pursued God the most that year. It was a good test run of what it means to rely on Him, even when I had someone else I was falling madly in love with.

The Me of three years ago was so full of questions and doubts and cautious excitement. I wondered if we were going too fast or too slow. I wanted to shout to the world that I was in love, while simultaneously questioning if I truly was. I remember my emotions were turbulent, my fears real, and our blossoming relationship was beautiful.

The day we went for a walk by the river, the cherry blossoms were just beginning to fall. Little did I know, as I snapped that photo of the little white blossoms in the cafe, that two years later they would adorn the trees above us on our wedding day.

So, if I could write a letter to Me, three years ago, this is what I would say.

Dear Julia, 

Right now you are in the bliss & torment of newfound love. You're a bit clueless and constantly wondering whether to accelerate full-speed ahead, or slam on the brakes. You have no idea where this will go, and doubt if you're doing any of it right. But there is Someone who does know. 

Trust God.

He knows the future. He has the wisdom you don't. He has the patience you don't. He has the courage you don't. Give it all to Him, resting assured that it's safest when it's in His hands. As Elisabeth Elliot said, "His promises of guidance may be fully counted upon. Does it make sense to believe that the Shepherd would care less about getting His sheep where He wants them to go than they care about getting there?" Enjoy the journey, treasure the relationships around you, and make the most of every second you have alone with Jesus. 

Love,
you in three years' time, about to celebrate your first wedding anniversary.