On Waiting

"You're past your due date, right?"

"Still not out yet?"

"Do you feel like he's coming soon?"

My due date has come and gone.

Only by three days... but that's enough to be bombarded by questions like these from well-meaning friends & family members. (If you're one of the people that has asked these questions, it's okay. We're cool. I know you're just as excited as I am to meet this little guy.)

The waiting is, I will be honest, unpleasant. Even though I know that 80% of babies are born within the two weeks on either side of their due date, every day that etches by, I start to wonder the above, too.

Will he ever arrive?

My dear friend & sister-in-law sent me an image with this caption:
"Waiting for a baby is like picking someone up from the airport, but you don't know who they are or what time their flight comes in."

SO. TRUE.

In my own pondering on the matter, I could only think of two situations in life which are similar in nature to this particular type of waiting: our time of death, and the time of Jesus' return. You know it will happen - you just have no idea how or when.

In the waiting, it's easy to get impatient, irritated, and start to lose hope that things will go the way I've planned. I chose a midwife centre for my birth, and I'm only able to give birth there if things progress naturally before I turn 42 weeks.

So with all this in my mind, I read the following verse in a whole new way today:

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."

Every good and perfect gift - like this child - is from the Lord. My Father.

This Father does not change. There is no "shadow" - no part of Him that is not wholly, indescribably, explicitly good.

This means the same Goodness that gave this child in the first place, that has supported the entire pregnancy, that has blessed us through the generous blessing of so. many. people...

This same goodness, this light, will carry through birth. In its timing, its unfolding, in the way it runs its course for me, my husband and the son we're waiting on.

There will be no shifting that casts a variation, a dark spot, over the way and the time that he comes into the world.

Whenever it is, however it unfolds - whether that is exactly how I imagine in my mind or (much more likely!) much differently from it...

It will be beautiful. And drenched in the Light of this good, good Father.

I read often about people having an image or a certain item that defines their birth experience. (Maybe this is quite a recent thing?) A flower that bloomed during their pregnancy, an image of themselves in a way they feel strong. I wondered if I would find an image like this for my birth and labour, and I think I finally did.

木漏れ日。

This is my favourite Japanese word. Komorebi. It means the dappled sunlight coming through tree leaves. (Beautiful, right?)

I need not fear the chill or sudden grey of the sun being covered by cloud as I walk through the forest. This warm, dappled sunlight will keep shining, in beautiful little spots through backlit green leaves. No variation. No change.

So in the waiting, I enjoy this light. It has covered me till now, and will continue to cover me and my family all the days of my life.

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."