A Japanese Wedding Gift
This spring, I married a Japanese man, in Japan, in a Japanese wedding. It was heavily influenced by American/Scottish culture, but we still retained many traditional aspects of modern Japanese weddings. One of the most foreign (to Americans/Brits) and potentially most famous differences being:
The money envelopes.
As per Japanese custom, we were given money instead of gifts at our reception. Our guests all blessed us with beautiful envelopes filled with varying amounts of Japanese yen. For those of you who a) are invited to a friend’s wedding in Japan and are clueless about what to do, or b) are simply curious, I’ll introduce this practice here.
The tradition of bringing money is not unique to Japan, but many of my American friends met the idea with horror. “How can you expect guests to pay for their own meal?” Similar disbelief was shown (mostly by my relatives) towards the fact that guests receive a gift at the wedding reception, instead of the bride and groom.
However, both of these practices have fairly good reasoning behind them. First, the young couple (or their family) is spending no small amount to host a wedding party that, let’s be honest, is designed to meet their guests’ expectations. Thus, friends and relatives bring the bride and groom monetary gifts that help them start their new life together. Because of this, traditionally, often only the heads of families attended the wedding party. (The more guests that come, the more money they are expected to bring…) In return, they received a gift of food from the wedding feast that could be taken back to family members who had remained at home. This practice has morphed into the modern-day custom of guests bringing envelopes of money, and walking away with gifts of food, designer crockery, or catalogues to pick a gift of their choice.
Although today there are strict rules regarding how much a guest is obliged to bring (thirty thousand yen for single friends, fifty thousand for couples, possibly more for relatives), it is still a kind custom that helps many couples at least break even for their wedding.
At our wedding, we received many envelopes of various colours and styles, based on our relationship with the guest, the amount of money included, and the giver’s own personal preference.
Here is a selection of some of our favourite envelopes. I have divided them into the categories below:
The tradition of bringing money is not unique to Japan, but many of my American friends met the idea with horror. “How can you expect guests to pay for their own meal?” Similar disbelief was shown (mostly by my relatives) towards the fact that guests receive a gift at the wedding reception, instead of the bride and groom.
However, both of these practices have fairly good reasoning behind them. First, the young couple (or their family) is spending no small amount to host a wedding party that, let’s be honest, is designed to meet their guests’ expectations. Thus, friends and relatives bring the bride and groom monetary gifts that help them start their new life together. Because of this, traditionally, often only the heads of families attended the wedding party. (The more guests that come, the more money they are expected to bring…) In return, they received a gift of food from the wedding feast that could be taken back to family members who had remained at home. This practice has morphed into the modern-day custom of guests bringing envelopes of money, and walking away with gifts of food, designer crockery, or catalogues to pick a gift of their choice.
Although today there are strict rules regarding how much a guest is obliged to bring (thirty thousand yen for single friends, fifty thousand for couples, possibly more for relatives), it is still a kind custom that helps many couples at least break even for their wedding.
At our wedding, we received many envelopes of various colours and styles, based on our relationship with the guest, the amount of money included, and the giver’s own personal preference.
Here is a selection of some of our favourite envelopes. I have divided them into the categories below:
- traditional
- extravagant traditional
- more contemporary
- masculine/modern
- feminine/seasonal (pink was a recurring theme, since we got married in the season of cherry blossoms)
Looking through all the envelopes was an enjoyable post-wedding event. We could tangibly feel how much we were loved by the people who attended.
To all of the dear friends and family who came to our wedding, thank you. Your presence meant more than we can put into words, and your presents (whether monetary or otherwise) were received with joy and gratitude. Thank you for being in our lives!
To all of the dear friends and family who came to our wedding, thank you. Your presence meant more than we can put into words, and your presents (whether monetary or otherwise) were received with joy and gratitude. Thank you for being in our lives!
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